Cracking the Mommy Code

Clearly, I have been spending too much time with my sociology paper. :) In all seriousness, the end of the semester is here, and I have learned so many things about myself that it is scary. This semester my own research has changed in so many ways-most likely as a result of all of the changes in my life.

For those who do not know, I am pregnant (due October 22). It is amazing to think how long it look me to get pregnant with Emily, and with my first baby (Baby Evil Seed). Third try with this baby. Timing is tough (midterms) and the unsupportive attitudes of some people in my department are concerning. I am cautiously excited and scared. Scared because pregnancy in and of itself is never marked with anything positive. I think of the years of trying to get pregnant, the loss of the ectopic and all of the health issues during my pregnancy with Emily. I am so curious what this baby will be like. I noticed the baby starting to move this week. He or she likes cold glasses and the sounds of Sia and Coldplay. That or I have wicked angry gas.

School is always a journey. As the semester comes to an end, I feel shocked at where this year left me. By the end of this semester, even my communication professor stopped telling me what I wanted to study was worthless and would not get me a job. :) I am no where near where I should be as a graduate student, but I am okay with that. I knew that eventually the influence of motherhood (and loss) in my life would come out in my research. This semester I have deviated from any kind of research that I am used to: I have been doing an ethnography of a mom's group. What a wild journey! And amazing and frustrating. I learned two valuable lessons. First, being a mom is not enough to being in a mom's group. Second, moms have secret tactics for cracking the mommy code that helps us to understand the appropriate rules and norms to follow to be a part of this exclusive club. While I have not gained entrance into this club yet, I am getting closer to understand why.

My next journey in the research, tackling a book called Motherhood Lost: A Feminist Account of Pregnancy Loss in America. I keep trying to open this book and start reading, but everytime I do, it brings tears to my eyes. I can't imagine what it will be like to read this.

Well, it is back to the grind for me. I am one tired pregnant lady and can only stand so much excitement in one day. :)