Wednesday...wtf?

Where the hell has my time gone?? Where have my clothes gone?? Where in the world are my stylish shoes and who took my winter hat?? I wish I was joking about all of this, I am seem to have no concept of time right now. All I know is my house is in a construction state, school starts next week, and I am still recovering from four days alone with the girls while my husband abandoned me for a work trip. I am still alive-but I tell you, those four days got to be damn ugly. I always knew I was a sketchy parent, but to parent alone? Oh no, I suck at this. WE were out of clothes, almost out of food, and I was a frazzled mess living next to my coffee maker, pining for more caffeine. I have missed my trueisms again (damn), so I will just call this my Wednesday realizations...

1. Potty training is evil. And it is evil in so many ways. It is evil because it is hard and frustrating, but it is evil because it seems to stir up more anger and more judgement than any paernting issue I have encountered to date. I am getting the, "
OH, she's NOT potty trained?" And then a free assessment of my parenting issues that have led to this "problem." Aside from being lazy, I was recently told that it is also because with two kids I can't possibly get E to the toilet in time...wtf? Try she screams, kicks, wails and tries to flinger herself from the toilet while L smiles laughs and spits up. ;) My husband's parents seem to be particularly concerned about this. I pointed out that I was about 3.5 years old (almost 4 I think), and I still mananaged to turn out ok (more than okay asshats, I have more than half of a doctorate degree, what about you?)

2. I am freaking out about school starting. It's the guilt of being the bad mom who puts her kids in daycare, how will I pump (and where--oh wait, my office, sorry friends), how will i pay enough attention to my kids and get my work done, and will i just die from exhaustion?

3. I refuse to take my Christmas tree or any decorations down.

4. On the days that I am home alone with L, I can't work. All I do is hold her, feel guilty about leaving her, and feel guilty that as a second child, she doesn't have cute new clothes (though she is huge compared to E so she may get some soon) and that I can't always give her my attention the way I want to.

5. I should start using the WiiFit. I think that I would be less bitchy if I exercised more.

6. If one more person tells me how busy and sleep deprived they are, or how it is so hard to get work done, I think I will use my dusty kickboxing skills to beat them up. Really? Come talk to me at 2 am when I am settling down for bed, when L wakes up and wants to then clusterfeed until 6 am. Yeahhh, I just don't care how busy you are. I am busy have a self-induced poty party about how tired and stressed I am.

7. Facebook has become a very interesting animal to me. I have been "discovering" the mothering communities/pages and the strong sense of activism (lactivism). Amazing.

8. When I started this PhD and had E, I vowed to eliminate those who were not supportive. As I am now nearing the end and have an L to add to the brood, it amazes me the amount of people in my life who want to bring me down, who aren't supportive, and who think it is critical to give this "incompetent" mom more parenting advice. I am learning that there are very, very people in my life who really get it, who truly support me, and who are truly going to be there for me. You know who you are (and who you aren't). If you are one, thanks beyond anything. For those who aren't, well, stop reading my blog. :)

I received some comments privately after my last post which apparently may have come off as bitchy or angry? Try realistic. I don't have this blog in place to tell the world that life is sunshine and kitten paws...it isn't that way all the time. I started this blog to log my journey as a mom and a phd student. It is going to be ugly, and it is going to be real. If you think I should censor it and feel offended, then don't read it. If you like it, stick around, comment and tell all of your friends to come follow this snarky lady! Perhaps I can get a large following of snark moms and snarkful women who can help me take over the world. ;)

Peace out.