Coming Up for Air

...and finally blogging. My kids and my doctoral program are in a close competition to see who kills me first. But I am alive. The quick list of important things you should know about me:
1. I start preliminary exams May 1st. I am going to lose my sanity.
2. This semester has sucked in many ways. It is hard. School is hard, teaching is hard, parenting is hard, figuring out your life is hard. But, here we are in April, and we are all still alive.
3. Last week I figured out what I thought might be the misssing piece of my dissertation. On Wednesday, I figured out that I am not an idiot for what I want to study.
4. I haven't cleaned my house in a long ass time--we haven't brought clean laundry up from the basement since February.
5. I learned about dry shampoo. Awesome. Now I only have to shower once a week!

Everyone always wants the narrative about your kids. There are specific sets of questions I have learned to expect from people. Here is the run down:

The planned narrative:
Emily is almost three. No, she definitely does not use the toilet at home. In fact, she loves peeing in underwear, and does not use a toilet past 10 am. What's that you say? No, it's not because I am lazy or have two kids (if I was lazy or unable to do things because of two kids, I probably wouldn't be in grad school), it's not because she is lazy. In fact, she uses it at daycare. It is about control and attention. Diagnosis? She'll do it when she is ready. What's that? No, I didn't cut her bangs, I only trim the mullet--she doesn't have hair. What's that? No, she doesn't run very well or jump and she probably won't talk to you. She is a good judge of character.

Lucy is 6 months old. No, she is a baby--she isn't overweight. And really, I am pretty sure she doesn't "need" solid foods. No, I actually don't need to supplement my supply is fine. When am I going to stop doing "that?" When she is two or decides she is done. GASP! It's okay--if you don't like it, you can put a blanket over your head. Sleeping through the night in her crib? Huh? OH! Crib!! You mean the clothing storage area. No, in fact she sleeps in our bed with us, and she sleeps just fine and eats when she needs to. What's that you say? Oh, bed sharing is "bad?" Based on what research? Oh, because the drunk and high people roll onto their kids while sleeping on couches? OH, that is right...except it is physiologically IMPOSSIBLE to to unless you are drunk or high. Baby tricks? My child is a physical specimen. She is almost crawling, is sitting, standing, doing sit ups and will be potty trained before her sister. What about YOUR kid?

Moms, I swear. Bat-shit-crazy.

So, that is life. I am alive. I am very tired, I am very physically worn down from nursing and not sleeping. I am emotionally exhausted from being on the go 24/7 and trying to get this degree. Some days I want to cry and snap. I have cried twice this semester. I may be negative, and I may be beaten down, but I will not be leaving this program anytime soon.

Peace