Tuesday Trueisms

yep, the tuesday trueisms are back...at least this week. i can't sleep, i can't think...therefore, i blog.

1. i am addicted to candy corn.
2. i am "still breastfeeding" and no, i don't have a plan for weaning.
3. and to add to number 2, i am also still bed-sharing. and no, i do not have a plan to stop that. and i admit, when l's teachers at daycare were shocked at her ability to sleep on a cot, i wanted to snort.
4. i freaking love teaching my upper division course. it is one of my only sources of joy.
5. flip side: you can probably guess how i feel about my other class.
6. my dissertation is a big hot mess. i wish i had a different advisor. but at the same time, it is exciting. can't do much until the advisor likes it but oh well. i have time.
7. i have to leave for new orleans in three weeks. i am "supposed" to present, network and find a job. instead, i am silently puking about the idea of leaving my kids.
8. job searching? it sucks. why bother?
9. i love and hate grad school all at once. when i came in, i didn't want to make friends--i just wanted to get an education. i have been so surprised to find such a supportive network of friends. not that they are all that way, but so many are, which is so surprising. sure, there is still the "i am better than you" mentality and the "omg, i can't believe she had kids, how irresponsible" attitude, but hey...life isn't perfect.
10. i have panic attacks once a week.
11. i cry every day.
12. i havea set of lip gloss, lotion, hand sanitizer, coffee and snacks that i call my survival kit.

as this journey to this f&*^%$% doctorate nears its close, i have learned a lot of valuable life-outside-of-school lessons. time is limited and valuable. really, really limited and valuable. i have learned who my real friends are and who my family members are (though very few) who give a damn and support me unconditionally. to them, i am grateful. and of course to the ocassional person who throws me a compliment or says they saw a job and thought of me. those things go a long way.