I may blog more this month than I have in the history of my blog experience. I can't find the right way or the right space offline to cope with everything in life.
It is amazing how much life can change in a week or few days, or even in 24 hours. Life is moving forward and yet again, I find myself standing still. Trust me, it isn't that all of life is negative. It really isn't, and if anything, I really am starting to appreciate the things in life that we take for granted. The very simple things. Then I go to campus, and I am reminded of so many complex things, so many things that are beyond my control.
I feel like every day I pick myself up, I move forward, and then one more thing occurs, a little slap in the face to remind me to look over and watch things fall apart. As I explained this to my good friend today, she told me it reminded her of dominoes. Indeed! And I am running around trying to catch the dominoes before they all fall down. And I am doing it alone. Last night as I plowed through handbooks, guidelines, timelines--it hit me that I am alone. Obviously supportive people exist in my life that are WONDERFUL. But, right now, I am on this journey alone. My future is in the hands of a bunch of people who most likely do not care about what is in my best interest.
I feel like I have two options: I give up and drop out. OR, I stand up for myself, and I fight for what I have worked hard for. In graduate school, you naturally gain a wealth of knowledge--some more useful than others. But, you learn a lot from your professors and your advisers. And I think based on my experiences, I have learned to stand up for myself. No one else is going to do it for me.
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“Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.” – Winston Churchill
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